Friday, March 24, 2006

Subversives seen taking photos of lamp post

If it's not the traffic wardens it's the coppers! As reported in The Sun.

Three subversive schoolboys, Danny Finn, 12, George Supple, 13, and Michael Fern, 13, in a fit of madness pull out a mobile phone/camera and take a photo of a lamp post. Shocking!

As a citizen of this fine land, I am reassureed to learn the police take a dim view of such incidents. Two community police officers arrived on the scene. They assessed the situation. They spoke to the boys and issued Danny with paperwork. It reads: “Reason for stop: ‘Was seen taking photos of lamp post – spoken to.’”

Talk about Police Lite!

Via Arm Chair Activist

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Would you adam and eve it !!!

From icbirmingham
STUNNED motorists have been hit with £60 parking fines - after council workmen painted yellow lines AROUND their cars in a Birmingham street...

This bit is priceless, "On one occasion police were called to Saltley when a Control Plus traffic warden ordered a tow truck to remove an illegally-parked car - with two children still in the back." You have to be a very special sort of person to be a traffic warden...

It's not 1st April yet is it?

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Phallic Logo Awards

Many of my readers may be aware that I take a keen interest in matters of graphic design and corporate identity. So too, it would seem, do Pontins, who found out about their inclusion in b3ta's now -legendary phallic logo awards.

"They've now decided on a tiny change to the logo to remove said cockage," gleefully reports Artyzyph. "Across the whole company. AT TREMENDOUS COST!"

Compare / contrast for yourself:

Nice work!

If only...

Thursday, March 16, 2006

War of Attrition

For what it's worth my money is on War of Attrition in the Gold Cup tomorrow...

Edit: Friday 15.45
Thank you Ladies and Gents! War takes it in spectacular fashion!

Watch this space for more of Corder's Top Tips!

Flatulism will get you everywhere

Beanfeast by Jacob Jordaens 1593-1678

Ows is waxing lyrical again about orgies which he refers to as "beanos". Beanos are of course short for beanfeasts. But Ows doesn't tell his loyal readers what a beano actually is...and what have beans got to do with it anyway?

Actually the old feast of beans theory doesn't stack up. The expression harks from the days of peasants holding land from a feudal overlord which was paid for in the labour service of the tenant. Frankly I've had my time with my feudal overlords and they can fuck right off. However...

Every holding owed a certain number of days work a week (say three) - plus extra days at haysel (nothing to do with Juventus, everything to do with haymaking), harvest and sowing - as many as were needed to get the job done. So it would appear that your average serf worked more than half his time on the lord's desmesne, and so was seldom free to cultivate his own holding.

This was not as bad as it sounds though.

A holding owed the work of one man only. When the serf's son was old enough he could work in his father's stead. Mrs Serf and the younger children would work the holding in the meantime and between them they could do more than a single man (Good old Mrs S!!). By custom the 'days's work' ended at dinner time, leaving the afternoon free. For the extra days at periods of special pressure your serf must work until sunset, but the bailiff must give him his dinner. At harvest time the whole village turns out to reap, from toddlers to old women - because until the harvest has been gathered no-one can be sure of food for the winter.

The recurring days of work every week were known as weekworks, and the extra days at times of special pressure as benefica, or in English as beneworks. The modern beanfeast or beano, still given by some firms to their employees, is really the benefeast, held at the end of the harvest benework.

So a beano is nothing to do with beans or orgies, however a post title with a flatulent pun is too good to miss...

Category: English Language_

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Did I just hear that right?

Sainsbury's has offered a five thousand pound reward to catch the man who raped an 11 year old girl in their store.

Five thousand? I was waiting for the hundred. As in FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND.

If a child is raped on my premises whether at my home or at my business, should I not be a bit more anxious to apprehend the culprit than 5 thousand quid's worth?

Monday, March 06, 2006

Corder on Deep Cover Mission

Greetings to those who've missed me! It's really quite gratifying to know you care!

While you have been on the edge of your seat awaiting my next blog post from cyber space, you'll never guess where I've been! It's all very hush hush, but I've been in deep cover in... REALITY!

Crikey. I know it's shocking but I haven't touched a computer for weeks and I've had to blag it but I've been trying to get by in the REAL world by passing myself off as a native. It's not been easy. But I don't think I was rumbled. And it was a TOP SECRET VERY IMPORTANT MISSION.

Phew! All this incognito secret agent stuff is tough - give me the blogsphere any day! I know my place...!

* UNDERCOVER CLOWN is an upcoming Platinum Studios graphic novel by Devin Hylton. Concept art by Dean Motter.