Friday, August 18, 2006

A Lefty Lexicon

Term - followed by usage or meaning from here.

Agenda - describes any collection of policies: 'equality agenda' for instance. Invariably needs to be 'taken forward'.

Aggressive outreach - the process of actively soliciting trade for social workers. Generally employed when 'customers' fail to show required enthusiasm for services on offer.

Beacon of excellence - archaism: any organ of state that achieved - or 'delivered' - what it was supposed to.

Best practice - normally 'established' when a Lefty wants to saddle a process with more complexity. Replaces 'working it out yourself'.

Child-centred - education: "we can't be bothered to teach them… perhaps they'll do it themselves".

Class - grouping people by the contents of their wallet rather than, say, how they think, feel or behave as individuals.

Consultation - a formal system for ignoring public views while patronising them at the same time. London's Congestion Charge for instance.

Community leader - someone plucked from obscurity to represent 'the views of the community' for the purposes of 'consultation'. NB never elected to this position.

Critique - media, academia: same as 'rebuttal'. When a Lefty alleges that someone's writing is 'riddled with factual inaccuracies' then mysteriously fails to identify any.

Delivery - as in "delivered against targets". Means 'achieve'.

Disproportionate - foreign affairs: Describes any act by USA or Israel.

- what we do if we suggest that a favoured Lefty client group may contain members who are not wholly beyond criticism as individuals.

Diversity - creating a workforce based on how people look rather than on their skills or aptitude

Equal - as in 'opportunities': describes the desire to have a workforce resemble the population it comes from, rather than matched to the task in hand. See 'diversity'.

Egalitarian - "if I can't have one, then neither can you". Shared misery much better than unevenly scattered joy.

Evidence based - backing policy decisions with selective social science research.

Fascism/Nazism - apparently the 'opposite' of Socialism - despite sharing party members, ideology and - in National Socialism - the name.

Gender issues - grouping people by their sex rather than how they think, feel or behave as individuals.

'Green' issues - "if we can't control the means of production then we'll close it down". NB. the US is the 'biggest polluter in the world' which is wholly unrelated to the fact it's the world's most productive economy.

Hate-crime - same as 'normal' crime as far as victims are concerned - but much more distressing for Lefties.

Hate-speech - "shut up!".

Human rights - using the legal system to pursue political ends.

Inclusive - Means 'drop entry standards until anyone can get in'.

Impartial - media, BBC: the balance achieved by attacking the Opposition for being Conservative and attacking the Government for being insufficiently Lefty. In partnership with… - Government: "this way, none of us get the blame when nothing happens!".

Inappropriate - "I don't like this" - no explanation for what or whom must ever be given.

Intolerance - Intolerance can only committed against certain defined groups of people. These do not include, Americans, the middle class, white manual workers, rural people, business and Christians obviously.

Institutional racism - 'racism' in a workforce that is achieved unknowingly and in ways that cannot be specifically defined.

Islamophobic - anyone who objects to having their transport blown up on the way to work.

Israel - see 'disproportionate' and 'legitimate grievances'. Country the size of Wales, with 5m inhabitants, that is entirely responsible for any and all delinquent Islamist behaviour the world over.

Issues around… - "I may be out of my depth here".

Justice - Government: as in 'social justice'. Means taking money earned by the general public to give to particular groups that Lefties approve of. Replaces market economics.

Key - Government: most things are 'key', in particular 'drivers', 'learnings', 'deliverables'. In education, all school 'stages' are 'key'.

Legitimate grievances - foreign affairs: why we're all to blame for deranged Islamists murdering people in the developed world.

Liaise - the day-to-day process of Lefty Government. Replaces 'work'.

Learnings - means 'lessons'.

Marx - a Victorian gentleman whose theories cannot be disproved by observation, experience or factual evidence. See 'religion' and 'post-modernism'.

Multi-cultural - All culture is valid - unless Western in some way. Usually to be 'celebrated' and always found to be 'vibrant'. See 'diversity'.

Nazi - informal: describes non-Lefty views and useful to link with people Lefties don't like. Thus Germany's Nazi period is the only noteworthy formative experience of Pope Benedict.

- Non Governmental Organisation - the repository of all moral authority in Lefty World and whose words and motives may never be questioned.

Organised labour - what Lefties used to be interested in.

Palestinians - archetype 'victims' no matter how many teenagers they murder in bars and fast food outlets. Never responsible for anything they do - or done in their name - because of 'root causes' or 'legitimate grievances'.

Post-modern - modern French 'philosophical': literature claiming that no account of events can be trusted. 'Texts' must be 'deconstructed' for their hidden meanings - except those by post-modernists, to be taken at face value.

Precautionary Principle - allows unnecessary actions which lack "evidence based" backing.

Progressive - describes ideas generally thought up around 40 years ago - that still don't work.

al Qaeda - Muslim 'militants' who for some reason or other continue to kill far more Muslims than people of any other faith.

Race issues - grouping people by their skin colour as opposed to how they think, feel or behave as individuals.

Racist - means "shut up!" - and is much, much worse than being violent, thoughtless or unkind. In fact, easily the worst crime ever conceived of.

Relevant - education: something badly written, with references to se*x and full of swear-words. Always better than literature by 'dead white people'.

Religion - Christianity: irrational, dangerous belief that material things may not be the principal motive behind human behaviour.
Judaism: most Israelis are Jewish, so probably 'intolerant'.
Islam: always needs to be 'understood'.

Root causes - foreign affairs: Usually need to be 'examined'. Belief in 'root causes' reflects dogged Lefty habit of trying to see contemporary religious issues through the prism of 'class analysis'.

Risk-based - either an excuse not to do something or to take excessive action.

Skills-based - education: "teach the little ba**ards Microsoft Word or something. They don't actually need to know anything…".

Social exclusion - where bad people, behaving badly, somehow became our fault.

South Africa
- a national showcase for Lefty policies with a one-party state, some of the worst crime levels in the world, tragic AIDS mortality and declining economy.

Stereotype - any attempt to describe the general characteristics of a group favoured by Lefties.

Stigmatise - what we do to anti-social people if we ask them to stop.

Subsidised art - art no one would buy.

Sustainability - relates to any actions (or non-actions) that have no relevance to a Department's original purpose.

Take forward - use instead of 'do'.

Terrorist - no such thing. Only people suffering from 'root causes' and 'legitimate grievances'.

Transgressive - term of approval for anything 'challenging established values' - but generally puerile, annoying and dumb.

Unilateral - media, BBC: used to describe any act by the United States in furtherance of its national interest.

United Nations - the NGO of NGOs. All foreign policy has to be 'in partnership with the UN and our European Allies', unless bombing Serbia - which requires neither.

Victim - see 'Terrorist', 'Palestinians', 'gender issues', 'race issues' and 'social exclusion'.

Workers - notional 'class' of people that Lefties once claimed to represent. Now replaced by college lecturers, human rights lawyers, pressure group employees, civil servants with 'liaise' in their job title - and other people you would probably not want over for supper


Blogger wonkotsane said...

Careful, a Guardian reader might complain to your employer and get you suspended. :o)

Fri Aug 18, 04:25:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

Haha! I am now self-employed again! So I can only offend myself!

Actually that's the reason for lack of posting recently (sorry fans ;-D)! Only the self employed actually do any work!

Fri Aug 18, 04:31:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Curmy said...

I wondered where you'd gone Gavin, nice to see you writing your blog again, brilliant post !

Fri Aug 18, 08:35:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Span Ows said...

Brilliant post...he wrote every word! :-/

hehehehe...great minds.

I hope the poor old soul doesn't get sacked - he's suspended at the moment.

Your 'proposition' intrigues! I'm not away ALL month so the odd day (or two) for a 'business' meeting isn't out of the question!

To curmy: if you haven't already copied Gavin's I've left a link that makes it easy.

Gavin, I've put the word thingy back on but only becasue I got a 'hard-core' messin' the link straight into...well I was shocked. Maybe the 'orgasm' posts that attracted it so you could be OK.

Sat Aug 19, 01:13:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Curmy said...

Thanks Span.

Sat Aug 19, 06:22:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger The Great Gildersleeve said...

Well, what a Government does can often result in the whole of a population being blamed or compared to the policy of those in power...

I'm sure that she will not mind me quoting but a friend in the States when told of the Lexicon and some of the fall out from it said "Well, there goes freedom of speech out the door. They are whittling at it here, too. What's next? Cameras and microphones in our homes?"

I wouldn't be surprised...

Sat Aug 19, 07:34:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Sarnia said...

I find it incredibly sinister that Inigo Wilson has been suspended from Orange (pending "investigations") for posting this.

Hello chaps (and chapesses) btw.

Sun Aug 20, 09:46:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger IsobelMagsBuchan said...

I knew I would. This has nothing to do with the left and eveything to do with new labour, which is not and could never be described as left.

Sun Aug 20, 11:14:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Sarnia said...

Bollocks Mags!

Mon Aug 21, 01:01:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger IsobelMagsBuchan said... what way...and I am being polite here? Read the lexicon again. It reads like a new labour minister/prime minister statement or manifesto. The phrases and words etc used are commonly heard from those politicans, who are not and could not be described as left wingers. The labour party is now on certain issues, to the right of the tories, for example on personal and civil liberties (just one example) and right there in the middle with most other issues, so how one can describe labour as a party of the left is beyond me. Those of us that remain on the left, deserted the labour party a very long time ago. Blair is Thatcher's bastard child. Everything he knows he learned at his mother's knee.

Mon Aug 21, 12:05:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

Oooh how exciting, Mags and Sarnia about to have a full on spat..on my blog! Could I send for mud.....?

Bastard child? Love child, with your credentials, surely? But the boots! Crumbs.

Oooh bollocks? Sarns, gosh! I have been preparing a bollock post (you've been peeking in your shed again!)

Span, you'll have to wait!

Mon Aug 21, 05:53:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger IsobelMagsBuchan said...

Gavin, you are not the first to offer mud to me and Sarnia. You lot are just dirty perverts!

I think that Sarnia and I acknowledge that we inhabit different ends of the political spectrum and therefore don't tend to get into full blown spats....just minor disagreements. If I wanted a full blown argument then I would post more often on FLN. I don't, I just want gentle discussions. Anyway someone around here has got to educate you right whingers.


Mon Aug 21, 08:38:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Sarnia said...


Sorry to disappoint you pervy boys but I don't do mud.

Mags - the bollocks comment was to do with this lexicon being nothing to do with the left. Not about New Labour etc etc (which bores me shitless).

Anyone for jelly wrestling?

Mon Aug 21, 11:49:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am surprised that via Drinking from home blog the link takes me to the blogs of writers such as the 5 live message boarders who are politically polar opposites to the content of all other links within withagenot members. Are the other bloggers aware that their linking takes readers to these "town hall lesbian" uk policy is to blame type posters who inflict their pc views on the 5live boards under the very same usernames? I hardly imagine so.

Thu Aug 24, 09:54:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger Sarnia said...

What twaddle!

Have you actually READ Gavin's blog?

Tue Aug 29, 11:19:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

Yes Sarnia, who's pc views is anonymous talking about? Surely not mine?????!

Wed Aug 30, 10:58:00 AM GMT+1  
Anonymous Sarnia said...

Actually, Gavin that should read..."whose pc views" etc.

0/10 and go and stand in the corner!

Wed Aug 30, 11:44:00 AM GMT+1  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

Yes yes yes!

Whose is the possessive form of who (or, occasionally, which). It means "belonging to whom or which."

Who's is a contraction of who is or who has. Notice the apostrophe replacing the missing letters.


(Is that the corner of your garage or may I be upgraded to the servants' quarters?)

Wed Aug 30, 07:10:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Sarnia said...

I know all that, Gavin - but in this instance you are plain wrong, wrong, wrong! (AND you know it).

For trying to wiggle out of it you are sentenced to a further two months in my garage.

Wed Aug 30, 07:34:00 PM GMT+1  

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