Friday, July 07, 2006

Salutary Story On a Wet Friday Afternoon...


In the year 2006, the Lord came unto Noah and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've violated the planning laws by building the Ark in my garden and exceeding the height limitations and had to go to the Council Planning Committee for a decision.

Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the Department of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The Home Office is checking the immigration status of most of the people who want to work.

The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, the Inland Revenue seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "Your government beat me to it."

Category: Jokes_ (well the Government is a bloody joke!)

9 Comments:

Blogger Six Years Late said...

Very funny Gavin and very true.

By the way did you know that originally it was scriped that he was to take 7 of all unclean animals and 4 of all clean animals. Or it may be the other way round i can't remember now.

Fri Jul 07, 04:57:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger kats said...

ha ha - and yes I'm still here & will blog more soon

Fri Jul 07, 05:04:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

I feel a bit of a fraud now - the weather's cheered up and we're off camping for the weekend...

Did they cut the budget then Six or was it more decent to have Mr and Mrs Lion not Mr Lion and his six wives?

Way hey Kats is back! See I've had to do the Friday joke all by myself....!

Fri Jul 07, 06:49:00 PM GMT+1  
Anonymous Curmy said...

Very funny Gavin.

Sat Jul 08, 12:51:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Span Ows said...

hahahaha...very good..God.

Also I now know where Sarnia's camping comment came from!

Sun Jul 09, 12:15:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Lightning said...

Read this before, but still brilliant

Sun Jul 09, 12:44:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Sarnia said...

Well spotted Span!

Blimey - I make the effort to insult someone and he doesn't even react! Shan't bother again.

I'll just revert back to being wonderful and perfect.

Mon Jul 10, 12:36:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Kayfer Kettle said...

I love the picture of the Ark you've used there Gav.

Who is that by, pray tell.....

K xxx

Mon Jul 10, 09:32:00 PM GMT+1  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

Aha Sarnia another one with Poppins syndrome...

Dunno Katie. it came from a site which bizarrely has collections of authentic Old Testament clip art!
Here

It doesn't credit the artist though....

Tue Jul 11, 09:21:00 AM GMT+1  

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