The Russians are coming!
In a telegram sent to France, right-wing politician Vladimir Zhirinovsky, who is also deputy speaker of the Russian parliament, said: "We are ready with volunteer units of football fans and activists who have served in military combat hot spots. I am convinced that our initiative would restore total order and calm the rioting within 48 hours."
Flippin' heck! That puts our hooligans in the shade! Crikey, more's the point, that puts our politicians in the shade. Anyone for resurrecting Alan Clark?