News Flash

AP and UPI have reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher alert levels in France are: 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's only white flag factory, effectively paralysing their military.

It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, The Italians have increased their alert level from: "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective combat operations" and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful arrogance" to "Dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a neighbour" and "Lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from: "Isolationism" to "Find somewhere else in the middle east ripe for regime change".Their remaining higher alert states are: "Take on the world" and "Ask the British for help".

Finally here in GB we've gone from "Pretend nothing's happening" to "Make another cup of tea". Our higher levels are: "Remain resolutely cheerful" and "Win!"