Sunday, December 04, 2005

Weapons of Math Instruction

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle,'" Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard.

"Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, 'Read my ellipse!'"

Stolen shamelessly from Kats because she has better jokes than me!

Category: Jokes_


Anonymous musings said...

this is hillarious, and even though you may have shamelessly stolen it from someone else, it shows you have a darn good sense of humour.

Sun Dec 04, 06:51:00 PM GMT  
Blogger kats said...



Sun Dec 04, 11:26:00 PM GMT  
Blogger kats said...

Well, at least you're not fixating on stats anymore.

Where has your profile gone - I was looking for an e-mail link to send you some jokes.

So you don't have to steal. ha ha


Sun Dec 04, 11:30:00 PM GMT  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

Strange...profile's there for me...
gavin.corder at

Mon Dec 05, 09:31:00 AM GMT  
Blogger Gavin Ayling said...

It's not stealing if you give credit! :-)

Mon Dec 05, 01:04:00 PM GMT  
Anonymous Lucy said...

Ooh, look at that- you know where we are posting from *yikes*
I had no idea , how much detail can you gather?

Mon Dec 05, 06:06:00 PM GMT  
Blogger Gavin Corder said...

Well Lucy my dear, you are in Lambeth using Tiscali, viewed two pages and arrived from Six's site...Yes?

Mon Dec 05, 07:46:00 PM GMT  
Blogger Kayfer Kettle said...

Well done to all those involved in this mightily funny production.

It's a little piece of damn near genius is what it is.

I was thinking as I read it, what a clever man you are.....cue peels of laughter from Mrs C.

K x

Mon Dec 05, 09:29:00 PM GMT  
Blogger IsobelMagsBuchan said...

gavin, I'm going to stop potsing here if you broadcast intimate information. I bet that gizmo can't tell you what colout knickers I'm wearing!

Mon Dec 05, 10:40:00 PM GMT  
Anonymous Lucy said...

Gavin, you are an honourable man in deed, I presume you deliberatly gave out a false location for me ;)
given that everything else is correct.

Tue Dec 06, 11:50:00 AM GMT  
Blogger J. Charles said...

Lest we forget, such a grave matter as Weapons of Math Instruction must receive ample attention in the commemorative Bush library.

Mon Dec 04, 01:53:00 PM GMT  

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